okay, so i've never been much into submission. i really do like to do things my own way. i know somewhere along the way, growing up, i heard things like, "don't ever trust a man to take care of you. they're all pigs. make sure you can take care of yourself." i'm sure this had an impact on how i took in the whole "wives are to submit to their husbands" part of the Bible. i truly have bristled against this teaching, writing it off as a cultural thing of the times it was written in that doesn't really fit today. sigh....
i started reading "the excellent wife" as part of a mentoring course i'm taking through settingcaptivesfree.com i'm not so sure i could recommend it to others since i haven't finished it yet. at first glance, it seems really legalistic with no real infusion of grace. BUT, the first two chapters are behind me and i can report that i am being challenged in my thinking and in the condition of my heart towards my husband. it doesn't feel like mis-placed guilt or pressure to please someone else. it feels like God Himself is asking me to look at an area of my life that not only displeases Him, but has been a stumbling block for me, for Mark and for our marriage.
as i took in the truth that God wants me to submit to my husband and be busy at home and look for ways that i can serve and support him, i had some good tears. one, because it's hard to look at my pride and the condition of my heart. and two, because i have to change. a lot.
so, i asked God to do the work in my heart needed to walk as He wants me to walk in this area. and i've just started changing the way i am with mark....listening to him more than talking, pouring him a glass of cold iced tea when he walks in the door, asking what he thinks about something before i jump ahead and do it, complimenting him ans showing him respect whenever i can. and doing these things is causing my heart to shift towards him. and it also is causing mark to look at me like, "who are you and what have you done with my wife?"
God has given me a good man. not perfect, but definitely good. making a conscious decision to place myself under his God-given authority actually feels like a safe place to be. it feels like i can rest in that place. weird, huh?