at about 3:42 this afternoon, i was desperate for a cup of coffee at work. i am trying to replace coffee with green tea, because i know green tea is better for me, but i only made it until 3:42. trouble is, pay day is 3 days away and we are literally flat broke. i had to scrape together $1.68 from several different places (my desk drawer, the bottom of my purse, the car door....) to pay McDonald's to ease my headache with some hot java. i was once again faced with how on our last dime we are AGAIN, even with all the hours we work between the two of us. the pressure to keep the bills paid and keep our heads above water nearly consumes me sometimes. i prayed on my walk back from McDonald's, "Lord, i don't know what it really is like to live in poverty, because i have a job and a roof over my head, but i trust You to provide everything we need. You always have."
lately, i find myself poverty-stricken before God. it is finally sinking in for me that i really have nothing to offer Him. on my own, i'll choose the selfish thing and do what makes me feel good. when i pray to Him these days, it seems like all i can say to Him is things like, "i need You. please protect me from the enemy. keep me safe. i am nothing without You. in my poverty, You make me rich. where i am weak, You make me strong."
sometimes it feels like i'm scraping the bottom of my purse to find what i need to walk in holiness and keep my head above water. and He reminds me that it isn't there. He freely gives me what i need for life and Godliness. the pressure is off. i don't have to fight alone. i can rest in His finished work on the cross for me. i am an heiress of the King.
as i get ready to rest my head on the pillow tonight, i rest in the knowledge that He is all i need. Selah...